"It was withal a highly polished age,
And scrupulous in ceremonious rite,
When stranger stranger met upon the way,
First each to other bowed respectfully,
And large profession made of humble service."
WE have always admired the
Oriental modes of salutation and leave-taking (last weekend I was privileged to observe some Agama lizards interacting and nodding heads) and wished that our
language possessed more graceful forms of speech than the plain "How d'ye do?" "How are you?" or "Hope you are well!" which constitute our abrupt salutations.
We do not object to the "Good morning" and "Good evening" handed
down to us from our ancestors; these expressions are not unpleasant to
the ear -- but the others grate against the sensibilities. In all
nations the forms of salutations differ. The Bedouin greets you with :
-- "May God grant you a happy morning," or "May God grant you His favors," or "If God wills it, you are well." And
placing his right hand upon his bosom, he bows low; but if he addresses
a person of very high rank, he bows nearly to the ground and kisses the
hem of his garment. The Egyptian, according to Herodotus, salutes you
with "How do you perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low, and inquires "Have you eaten?" The German asks, "Wie gehts?" "How are you?" "How goes it with you?" and in bidding adieu, says, "Leben sie wohl." "Live well." The Spaniard, in bidding you good morning, says, "God be with you, sir," while the Neapolitan devoutly remarks "Grow in holiness." The Pole kisses the shoulder, and in farewell says, "Be ever well." In Hungary, they say, "May you remain well," or "God keep you well." A Frenchman may forgive you a pecuniary obligation, but he would hardly forgive you a nod in
lieu of a bow in salutation; and for a gentleman to enter the presence
of a lady without removing his hat, is sufficient cause for a duel. The
French do not, however, shake hands as frequently as we do, and never
upon being first introduced; and in leave-taking they say "au revoir," to meet again, or "adieu," which
word has become decidedly anglicized. In Turkey, great attention is
paid to salutations, and the arms are folded upon the breast, while the
head is bent very low; while the Hindoos bend the head nearly to the
ground.
The Moors of Morocco have a custom wholly their own;
they ride at a gallop towards a stranger as though they would unhorse
him, and when close at hand, draw in their fiery steed and fire a pistol
over the person's head. When they would salute the Great Mogul,
however, they first touch the earth with their right hand, then lay it
upon their breast, then lift it to the sky; and these gestures are
repeated three times in rapid succession. "How are you?" is a salutation which is not admissible in a slight acquaintance; and the reply "Very well, thank you," is only returned amongst intimate friends. But "Good morning" and "good-evening" are
appropriate in any society. A bow, either on the street or in the
parlor, should always accompany a salutation, and it should be both
respectful and deferential, and not a mere nod of the head. A gentleman
always removes his hat in the street instead of touching its brim, when
bowing either to ladies or aged persons of his own sex; and he inclines
the whole body, instead of simply jerking his neck. Ladies recognize
their gentlemen friends with a bow of graceful inclination; and it is
their place to bow first to those with whom their acquaintance is but
slight, while with very intimate friends the recognition is frequently
simultaneous.
A gentleman walking with a lady lifts his hat to
every person, gentleman or lady, to whom the lady bows, as a mark of
respect to her. A well-bred man will remove his cigar from his lips
whenever he bows to a lady, or even if he passes a strange lady in a
hotel or in the street.
If a gentleman should see a lady approaching a narrow
crossing, or going up or down a staircase, he should lift his hat, and
stand aside for her to pass.
A young lady should also show an equal degree of
deference and attention to an elderly one, or to a lady in a higher
position of society.
If a person of the lowest rank lifts his hat to you,
always acknowledge it as courteously as if he were your equal. "A bow,"
says La Fontaine, "is a note drawn at sight; and if you acknowledge it, you must pay the full amount."
And it should be either respectful, cordial,
familiar, civil, or affectionate, according to circumstances connected
with the acquaintance. Avoid condescending bows, however, for they are
always objectionable and offensive.
If you desire to converse with any one you meet,
especially if a lady, do not stop them on the sidewalk, to the annoyance
of others passing by, but turn round, and accompany them a few blocks
or take leave at the next corner. It is never well to cut any
one in the streets. A slight acquaintance should receive a passing
notice; and it is absurd, because you have a trifling difference with a
person, to avoid looking at them. Unless your quarrel is for life,
always recognize one, even if it is done with cold civility.
Such slights are deeply felt; and men will sooner forget an injury than a cut.
A lady should always thank a gentleman for a friendly escort -- be it to a party, opera, theatre, or church.
Gratitude for services received should on all occasions be expressed in a few well-chosen words.
True etiquette requires the exercise of rational
behavior at all times and in all places; and its rules are subject to
all moral laws.
A church is a place to which, as a general rule,
however, the etiquette of society is not applied; for though you would
recognize your friends there, you would not often make introductions,
nor give invitations to dinner parties, etc., nor enter into long
conversations.
It is a holy place, wherein the arbitrary rules of
society are not expected to enter; but politeness is always supposed to
be present there.
It is strictly kind and polite to offer a stranger a
seat in church, and also to proffer a prayer or hymn book; and, if the
person is a lady, you should find the places for her in both.
If books are not plentiful, it is also an act of
politeness for the stranger to offer you half of his book, and for you
to accept the partial use of it.
Gentlemen always precede a lady in entering a church,
concert-room, opera, or theatre, etc.; and by so doing they can more
easily find a seat for the lady.
