WHAT IS THE PROPER WAY TO PRAY

Is it best to pray standing up, sitting down, kneeling, or bowing down? Should our hands be open, closed, or lifted up to God? Do our eyes need to be closed when we pray? Is it better to pray in a church building or out in nature? Should we pray in the morning when we get up or at night before we go to bed? Are there certain words we need to say in our prayers? How do we begin our prayers? What is the proper way to close a prayer? These questions, and others, are common questions asked about prayer. What is the proper way to pray? Do any of the above things even matter?

Far too often, prayer is viewed as a "magic formula." Some believe that if we do not say exactly the right things, or pray in the right position, God will not hear and answer our prayer. This is completely unbiblical. God does not answer our prayers based on when we pray, where we are, what position our body is in, or in what order we word our prayers. We are told in 1 John 5:14-15 to have confidence when we come to God in prayer, knowing He hears us and will grant whatever we ask as long as it is in His will. Similarly, John 14:13-14 declares, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." According to these and many other Scriptures, God answers prayer requests based on whether they are asked according to His will and in the name of Jesus (to bring glory to Jesus).

So, what is the proper way to pray? Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to pray without being anxious, to pray about everything, and to pray with thankful hearts. God will answer all such prayers with the gift of His peace in our hearts. The proper way to pray is to pour out our hearts to God, being honest and open with God, as He already knows us better than we know ourselves. We are to present our requests to God, keeping in mind that God knows what is best and will not grant a request that is not His will for us. We are to express our love, gratitude, and worship to God in prayer without worrying about having just the right words to say. God is more interested in the content of our hearts than the eloquence of our words.

The closest the Bible comes to giving a "pattern" for prayer is the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Please understand that the Lord's Prayer is not a prayer we are to memorize and recite to God. It is an example of the things that should go into a prayer"worship, trust in God, requests, confession, and submission. We are to pray for the things the Lord's Prayer talks about, using our own words and "customizing" it to our own journey with God. The proper way to pray is to express our hearts to God. Sitting, standing, or kneeling; hands open or closed; eyes opened or closed; in a church, at home, or outside; in the morning or at night"these are all side issues, subject to personal preference, conviction, and appropriateness. God's desire is for prayer to be a real and personal connection between Himself and us.

Think about it.....

WYND GUIDE TO GOOD FATHERING

A friend of mine is about to become a Dad, and it makes me to reflect on what kind of father I aspire to be. I think I’m pretty decent, though I’m not where I’d like to be yet.
The good things I'll do: I'll try to inspire my kids, I'll do projects with them like fixing Lego houses and chess and painting and building stuffs, I'll read to the younger ones, I'll do outdoor things with them, I'll teach them about responsibility and compassion, I'll try to set a good example for them.
But there’s always more I should be able to do, always. Actually, it’s not that I'll do more, it’s that I'll be with them in a different way.
This is the father I aspire to be:
I want to drop my expectations of them, and be more accepting of who they already are.
I want to be less controlling, and let them be.
I want to be less strict, and just be with them.
I want my actions around them to be less driven by fears, and to let them make more mistakes and have more freedom.
I want to be less focused on their future selves, and more grateful for their present selves.
I want to be the example for them: to be happy, inspired, mindful, peaceful, loving, accepting, grateful.
In the end, I will never be the perfect parent. I'll aspire to be better, but I will never reach that ideal state. I still think the aspiration is a worthy activity, if only because it causes me to reflect on my actions and see if they’re aligned with my best values.
In the end, it won’t matter if I’m perfect as a their papa or not. It will only matter if I am there for them, and if I love them, which I do with all of the depths of my heart.

Wyndy's Guide To Letting Go

If there’s one thing we all have in common it’s that we want to feel happy; and on the other side of that coin, we want to avoid hurting. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.
We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we melt into grief when something changes—a lay off, a break up, a transfer.
We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer.
In trying to hold on to what’s familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present.  A moment can’t possibly radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear.
When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you without the power to destroy you. That’s why letting go is so important: letting go is letting happiness in.
It’s no simple undertaking to let go of attachment—not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Instead, it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment commitment that involves changing the way you experience and interact with everything you instinctively want to grasp.
The best approach is to start simple, at the beginning, and work your way to the end.

disclaimer: some of the items here are gotten from other articles online

Experiencing Without Attachment

Accept the moment for what it is. Don’t try to turn it into yesterday; that moment’s gone. Don’t plot about how you can make the moment last forever. Just seep into the moment and enjoy it because it will eventually pass. Nothing is permanent. Fighting that reality will only cause you pain.
Believe now is enough. It’s true—tomorrow may not look the same as today, no matter how much you try to control it. A relationship might end. You might have to move. You’ll deal with those moments when they come. All you need right now is to appreciate and enjoy what you have. It’s enough.
Call yourself out. Learn what it looks like to grasp at people, things, or circumstances so you can redirect your thoughts when they veer toward attachment. When you dwell on keeping, controlling, manipulating, or losing something instead of simply experiencing it.
Define yourself in fluid terms. We are all constantly evolving and growing. Define yourself in terms that can withstand change. Defining yourself by possessions, roles, and relationships breeds attachment because loss entails losing not just what you have, but also who you are.
Enjoy now fully. No matter how much time you have in an experience or with someone you love, it will never feel like enough. So don’t think about it in terms of quantity—aim for quality, instead. Attach to the idea of living well moment-to-moment. That’s an attachment that can do you no harm.

Letting Go of Attachment to People

Friend yourself. It will be harder to let people go when necessary if you depend on them for your sense of worth. Believe you’re worthy whether someone else tells you or not. This way, you relate to people—not just how they make you feel about yourself.
Go it alone sometimes. Take time to foster your own interests, ones that nothing and no one can take away. Don’t let them hinge on anyone or anything other than your values and passion.
Hold lightly. This one isn’t just about releasing attachments—it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to romantic notions, you are not someone’s other half. You’re separate and whole. You can still hold someone to close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll both be suffocated.
Interact with lots of people. If you limit yourself to one or two relationships they will seem like your lifelines. Everyone needs people, and there are billions on the planet. Stay open to new connections. Accept the possibility your future involves a lot of love whether you cling to a select few people or not.
Justify less. I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have. These thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it. The only way to let go and feel less pain is to believe you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.

Letting Go of Attachment to the Past

Know you can’t change the past. Even if you think about over and over again. Even if you punish yourself. Even if you refuse to accept it. It’s done. The only way to relieve your pain about what happened is to give yourself relief. No one and nothing else can create peace in your head for you.
Love instead of fearing. When you hold onto the past, it often has to do with fear: fear you messed up your chance at happiness, or fear you’ll never know such happiness again. Focus on what you love and you’ll create happiness instead of worrying about it.  
Make now count. Instead of thinking of what you did or didn’t do, the type of person you were or weren’t, do something worthwhile now. Be someone worthwhile now. Take a class. Join a group. Help someone who needs it. Make today so full and meaningful there’s no room to dwell on yesterday.
Narrate calmly. How we experience the world is largely a result of how we internalize it. Instead of telling yourself dramatic stories about the past—how hurt you were or how hard it was—challenge your emotions and focus on lessons learned.  That’s all you really need from yesterday.
Open your mind. We often cling to things, situations or people because we’re comfortable with them. We know how they’ll make us feel, whether it’s happy or safe. Consider that new things, situations and people may affect you the same. The only way to find out is to let go of what’s come and gone.

Letting Go of Attachment to Outcomes

Practice letting things be. That doesn’t mean you can’t actively work to create a different tomorrow. It just means you make peace with the moment as it is, without worrying that something’s wrong with you or your life, and then operate from a place of acceptance.
Question your attachment. If you’re attached to a specific outcome—a dream job, the perfect relationship—you may be indulging an illusion about some day when everything will be lined up for happiness. No moment will ever be worthier of your joy than now because that’s all there ever is.
Release the need to know. Life entails uncertainty, no matter how strong your intention. Obsessing about tomorrow wastes your life because there will always be a tomorrow on the horizon. There are no guarantees about how it will play out. Just know it hinges on how well you live today.
Serve your purpose now. You don’t need to have x-amount of money in the bank to live a meaningful life right now. Figure out what matters to you, and fill pockets of time indulging it. Audition for community theater. Volunteer with animals. Whatever you love, do it. Don’t wait—do it now.
Teach others. It’s human nature to hope for things in the future. Even the most enlightened people fall into the habit from time to time. Remind yourself to stay open to possibilities by sharing the idea with other people. Blog about it. Talk about it. Tweet about it. Opening up helps keep you open.

Letting Go of Attachment to Feelings

Understand that pain is unavoidable. No matter how well you do everything on this list, or on your own short list for peace, you will lose things that matter and feel some level of pain. But it doesn’t have to be as bad as you think. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Vocalize your feelings. Feel them, acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. Even if you want to dwell in anger, sadness or frustration—especially if you feel like dwelling—save yourself the pain and commit to working through them.
Write it down. Then toss it out. You won’t always have the opportunity to express your feelings to the people who inspired them. That doesn’t mean you need to swallow them. Write in a journal. Write a letter and burn it. Anything that helps you let go.
Xie Xie. It means thank you in Chinese. Fully embrace your happy moments—love with abandon; be so passionate it’s contagious. If a darker moment follows, remember: it will teach you something, and soon enough you’ll be in another happy moment to appreciate. Everything is cyclical.
Yield to peace. The ultimate desire is to feel happy and peaceful. Even if you think you want to stay angry, what you really want is to be at peace with what happened or will happen. It takes a conscious choice. Make it.
Zen your now. Experience, appreciate, enjoy, and let go to welcome another experience.
It won’t always be easy. Sometimes you’ll feel compelled to attach yourself physically and mentally to people and ideas—as if it gives you some sense of control or security. You may even strongly believe you’ll be happy if you struggle to hold onto what you have. That’s OK. It’s human nature.
Just know you have the power to choose from moment to moment how you experience things you enjoy: with a sense of ownership, anxiety, and fear, or with a sense of freedom, peace and love.

An Addict’s Guide to Overcoming the Distraction Habit

An Addict’s Guide to Overcoming the Distraction Habit

Yesterday wasn’t a very focused day for me — I got work done, but I also researched a bunch of newish personal interests (mostly programming and cycling), played a nice trivia game on my phone, read a bunch of online articles, and did very little of the writing I’d planned.
Digital distractions have also pulled me from reading and meditation in the last week. I think they plague all of us to varying extents.
Realizing this, today I closed all the tabs I’d been researching and reading, bookmarked a few things to read later, shut down the trivia game on my phone, closed email, and took a break.
I meditated.
I showered, and contemplated what was important to me.
Then I got up on my feet to get outside and get the blood circulating.
Then I found a place with cool serenity and I sat down to write.
This is a guide for my fellow addicts. Those of you who have as much trouble as I do fighting off the temptations and distractions, this is for you. From one addict to another.

Recognizing when it happens

One of the insidious things about the distraction habit is that we often don’t even realize it’s happening. It sneaks up on us, like old age, and before we know it we’re addicted and powerless.
But actually we’re not powerless. The power we have is our awareness, and you can develop it right now. Pay attention to what sites you visit, how often you’re looking at your phone, how long you’re spending in front of a screen all day.
What I did when I wanted to develop an awareness of my browsing urges was carry around a pencil and small scrap of paper, and put a tally mark on it each time I had the urge to browse. I could still browse, but I’d have to put a tally mark first.
This built my awareness muscle, and it allowed me to insert a small space between the urge and my subsequent action. Into that space, however small, I could eventually make a choice. That was where the power came in.

See what’s going on

Once you’re aware of the distractions and urges, you can start to examine the causes.
After hours of following temptations online (learning all about cycling and programming, for example), I stopped and asked myself, “What’s this all about?”
It was about fear — the fear that I didn’t know what I was doing and was going to screw it all up. I now know that it doesn’t matter if I screw it up. My value as a person isn’t tied to my successes or failures. So I closed all the tabs, and decided to focus on one program, and one bike ride. I’ll learn as I do.
My distractions are also often about fantasies — I really hope that I’ll be a great programmer or start doing century bike rides or cooking something nice- I love cooking. Realistically, I don’t have time to do any of that. So I have to let the fantasies go, because they almost never come true. Unless you’re willing to devote your entire life to one of them for a year or two.
Distractions, of course, are often about the fear of missing out. We can’t possibly take part in every cool thing that everyone else is doing, but we also don’t want to miss out on any of it. So we look online for what’s going on, what other people are doing and saying, what’s hot. None of that actually matters. What matters is being content, doing things that make people’s lives better, learning, being compassionate, helping. So let’s let go of what we’re missing out on, and focus on the difference we want to make in the world.

Taking action

So you’re building an awareness, and you’ve examined your causes. If you haven’t yet, take a few minutes to walk around your office or house, or better yet get outside, and contemplate these things. This article can wait.
Now there are further steps you can take. Consider taking one or more of these:

• Start closing as many browser tabs as you can. Bookmark some things, save others in your favorite “read later” service (such as Google books), and let others go.
• Block your favorite distractions for a few hours. Games, social media sites, news sites. You don’t really need to go to them that often.
• Write down the times you’re going to check email and other messages. Want to process email for 20 minutes at 10 a.m., 1 p.m., and 4p.m.? Write that down. Stick to it.
• Get away. Go outside for a walk. Mobe around. Go for a run. just do things that will make your head straight.
• Meditate. Sit still for just a couple minutes, without any distractions, and put your attention on your breath. Return to the breath when you get distracted.
• Read. A paper book. Close all screens and just give yourself some quiet reading time.
• Find a place with no wifi. Or turn off your router. Write without distractions. Close all applications besides your writing program.
• Delete distractful apps on your phone. Games, social media, whatever you tend to turn to when you want a bump of distraction.
• Eat without a device. Pay attention to your food. Notice the textures, flavors, colors, healthfulness that you’re putting into the temple of your body.

Of course, there are other things you can do. Go on a retreat. Practice mindfulness in bits throughout the day. Take a day off of screens. The possibilities are endless.

Considering what’s important

What’s truly important to you? Social media? News? What everyone else is doing all the time? Games?
I’d submit that we try to do everything, but then we’re not really focusing on anything. We’re not going to make any of our little fantasies come true if we pursue all of them.
What is the one thing you want to pursue right now? Can you focus on that for at least a month? If not, maybe it’s not that important to you.
What are the most important things in your life? Pick 3-4, or 5 at the most. How much of your time is devoted to these things? Can you cut out other things to focus on these? Can you give your 4 most important things your full attention?
In my life, my writing, my family, my health, and my learning are my four most important things. And no, I don’t always devote my full attention to them. I often need to step back and remind myself of what’s important.

Falling in love all over again

In his book, “The Art of Stillness,” Pico Ayer says that “sitting still is a way of falling in love with the world and everything in it.”
This is absolutely true. This is why distractions can be so harmful. They’re turning us away from the miracle of life all around us.
Sit still for a few minutes, and pay attention to what’s around you. Notice the quality of the light. Appreciate any people who might be nearby. Notice the quality of your thoughts, the sensations of various parts of your body, the loveliness of your breath as it comes in and out.
Fall in love with life all over again. And then devote yourself lovingly to it completely.

Changing Self-Destructive Behaviors

I have a reader who wants to make positive changes in her life, but can’t seem to stop certain behaviors.
She writes:
“I am consistently challenged with being mindful when buying food. What do you do when you are doing things that
self-destructive and are not good and continue to do them. Is there an opportunity to change this?”

This is such an excellent question, because I think we can all relate to this, can’t we? Who among us doesn’t do self-destructive behaviors from time to time, if not on a regular basis? I know that I’ve lived most of my life doing things I wish I didn’t do, and only in the last 8-9 years have I (slowly) been able to change those behaviors.
So can you change self-destructive behaviors? Can you stop yourself from doing things you can’t seem to stop?
I can unequivocally say yes, these behaviors can be changed. I’m living proof of that.
I quit smoking, changed my eating habits completely from junk food to pretty darn healthy, went from sedentary to active, got out of debt, got rid of clutter, just to name a few of the changes I made. These all went from destructive to positive behaviors.
And trust me, I’m no superman. I might seem disciplined and a model of self-mastery to an outsider, but from within I have always felt undisciplined, a procrastinator, with a distinct lack of self-control. I never thought I could make changes, but I did.
What worked? Here’s the lowdown: a quick guide to changing these behaviors when you’re having trouble.

1. Feel the pain. We don’t tend to make changes unless we are motivated to do so. Sometimes seeing other people make changes gives us inspiration. But sometimes we just need to be in a painful place that we’d rather get out of. And so, if you’re in that painful place, allow yourself to feel the pain, and ask yourself whether it’s time for a change. Eating out of control? Well, what kind of pain is this causing you? What do you want to do about it? Get out of that painful place.
2. Turn toward the problem. One of the biggest problems with making life changes is that we tend to avoid thinking about the problem. It gets worse and worse, and yet we distract ourselves, because looking at the problem can be scary and painful. But this only makes the problem worse. If you want to get out of the cycle, you have to let yourself think about it. Look at the problem. Acknowledge it. Accept that it’s the way it is, with the understanding that it can change, if you acknowledge it.
3. Pick one small, distinct change. Once you’re ready to start making changes, just pick one. If you want to change your eating, you can’t change it all at once. It’s not realistic. So pick one change, and be specific: eat one fruit at lunch each day. Drink unsweetened green tea instead of that Big Gulp of soda you have in the afternoon. Drink unsweetened coffee with a splash of creamer instead of a Starbucks grande latte with extra whipped cream. Work on not going back for seconds until you’ve had a 10-minute break after your first helping. And so on. One change at a time, slowly.
4. Commit big time. While you want your change to be small, you want your commitment to be huge. This is what keeps you going when you don’t feel like sticking to it. How can you commit big time? Announce to a hundred people, or a thousand, that you’re going to do this, and ask them to hold you accountable. Join an accountability group. Publicly commit to a big embarrassing consequence if you fail. Do it publicly for someone else, or a charity group, so you have people you don’t want to let down. Make a pledge to someone you love. Put a big sum of money on it with your friends. Be all in.
5. Learn to believe that you can. In the beginning, you will probably have doubts that you can stick to this change. That’s OK — start on it anyway. Stick to it for one small step (drink a glass of water, eat one fruit), and see that you can do it. Then stick to it for another small step. Each time you do it, use this as evidence that you are capable.
6. Use failure to learn. While doing the habit is evidence that you can do it, failure should not be evidence that you can’t. Use it as an opportunity to learn: learn about how you work best, about how habits work, about negative self-talk (see next item) and urges. Learn about obstacles, which are inevitable, and how to get around them. Each time you mess up, this is an amazing opportunity to get better, to improve your method. Failure isn’t a bad thing — it’s new information to improve your habit method.
7. Don’t believe the negative self-talk. There will be thoughts in your head about not being able to do it, or wanting to quit. Don’t listen to them. See them, acknowledge them, but don’t follow their commands or believe what they say. They just come up because your brain is trying to get out of hard work. Lazy brain, lying brain. Instead, come up with better counterarguments: “Brain: You can’t do this.” “You: Actually, I can and have. Other people have done this, and so can I. And I will only really know if I try.”
8. Find support. Ask your partner or good friend, or family or the Internet, to support you. Ask them to check on you and not let you fail. If you don’t have anyone supportive around you, find a group online.
9. Create the right positive & negative feedback. When you eat junk food, it has positive feedback (it’s yum), and there’s negative feedback for not eating the junk food (cravings and hunger and wishing you could eat it). This is the wrong feedback cycle for the change you want to make. Instead, create a new feedback cycle that supports your change. More on this below.

Creating the Right Environment

When you put all the steps above together, it’s about having the right environment. Think of it as a greased slope — right now, the slope is greased toward your self-destructive behavior, so even if you fight against it, you’re likely to keep doing the behavior.
You can consciously change the slope. Create your own greased slope, so that it’s structured toward the direction you want to go in.
For example, if you’re trying to change the way you eat, get rid of all the junk food in your house, so it’s hard to get the unhealthy stuff. Tell people in your house not to let you go to the store or fast food places to get junk. Instead, have healthy stuff around for when you’re hungry. Have accountability and consequences, so that you don’t want to embarrass yourself by messing up (negative feedback) and you want to look good by doing well (positive feedback). Don’t meet people at places with unhealthy food — that’s like going to the bar when you’re an alcoholic. Give yourself rewards, like a massage, if you stick to it for a week or two.
These are just examples, of course … you’ll want to set up your own environment for whatever works for you. This is something you can adjust over time, which is why failure is such a good learning tool: you can see where your environment needs to be changed. If you stay on your computer instead of exercising, unplug the computer and give the cord to a friend to hold until you exercise. And so on, adjusting each time you fail until your environment is set up so you will definitely succeed.
If you leave this write-up with any message, it’s that change is possible. Even if you think you can’t do it, you’re wrong. You can. You just need to take one action, start one motion, change your environment, and grease the slope.

the myths of Ebola............. let wyndy explain

It’s funny how Nigerians can complicate things. Just yesterday a friend reminded me that the fear of Ebola is the beginning of wisdom- I guess Ebola is now the Almighty in town. Hmmm wonders shall never end in this beloved country of ours. All over the world of social media u see all sorts of conversation between Ebola and AIDs. Enough to make one pee in and laugh out loud…. Lol

Just recently we now have all sorts of local preparations and remedies for this dreaded disease that has taken a tour on our beloved West Africa countries. I have to admit it all sound so "mumucious" that I came up with a remedy myself- a local concoction such of- just for the fun of it. I am not disproving any of these local remedies. We are all entitled to our own belief system.

I belief the national fear placed on Ebola is outrageous. It’s terrible that people in authority who are supposed to enlighten the populace are not helping matter. I belief information is power and as such the people should be given the power so we can all put hands together to contain this virus sweeping across our continent. Remember the Good Book tells us that “my people perish from lack of knowledge”.

We go about shouting Ebola! Ebola!! Ebola!!! displaying all sort of "mumubolaric attitudes". enough of all these tautologies and redundant words. Do we even know the source of Ebola? do we even know its origin? Do we even know why it’s called Ebola virus and not any other name? How it’s being transmitted and its fatality rate? What about its history? Because everything must have one history or the other don’t you think? Ebola is 100 percent preventable and can easily be contained.  

Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is the human disease caused by the Ebola virus. Symptoms typically start two days to three weeks after contracting the virus, with a fever, sore throat, muscle pain, and headaches. Typically nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea follow, along with decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys. At this point, some people begin to have bleeding problems

Ebola first appeared in 1976 in 2 simultaneous outbreaks, in Nzara, Sudan, and in Yambuku, Democratic Republic of Congo. The latter was in a village situated near the Ebola River, from which the disease takes its name

The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal (commonly monkeys or fruit bats).  Spread through the air has not been documented in the natural environment^. Fruit bats are believed to carry and spread the virus without being affected. Once human infection occurs, Ebola then spreads in the community through human-to-human transmission, with infection resulting from direct contact (through broken skin or mucous membranes) with the blood, secretions, organs or other bodily fluids of infected people, and indirect contact with environments contaminated with such fluids. Burial ceremonies in which mourners have direct contact with the body of the deceased person can also play a role in the transmission of Ebola. Men who have recovered from the disease can still transmit the virus through their semen for up to 7 weeks after recovery from illness. According to the WHO people have actually recovered from the disease.

It is my intention to help break the myth of Ebola virus and I believe this piece should help put your mind at rest. There is no need to panic. In my next piece I will talk about the ways Ebola can be handled and I will give facts how central Africa countries have contained it for almost 38 years.  We just have to open our eyes and see. Remember fear makes Ebola appear bigger than it is. Have a great weekend ahead.

                                                                                                                                                                wyndy

Our Delusional Fantasies

‘Most human beings spend 50 to 90 percent or more of their time in their imagination, living in fantasy.’ ~Charlotte Joko Beck

We fail at creating new habits because of fantasies.
We procrastinate because of fantasies.
We get frustrated with other people, with ourselves, because of fantasies.
We miss out on the wonder of the world because of fantasies.
We — all of us — live our lives in delusion most of the time. That might not seem true, but consider:

• When you wake up and start thinking about what you’re going to do today, your plans aren’t really happening, but are all in your head.
• When you fear the failure that might come when you tackle this big work task, and you procrastinate, it’s not failure that’s actually happening but it’s all in your head.
• When someone does something that irritates you, this is because they aren’t acting as you think they should (they should be more considerate), but this “acting how you think they should” is not reality but an ideal you have, in your head. The frustration stems not from their actions but from how their actions differ from your fantasies.
• When you start out with a new habit (let’s say exercise), you are motivated by a fantasy of what your life will be like when you create the habit … but that’s not real. When the reality of the habit happens, it never matches up with your fantasy. It’s often harder, sloppier. Less idealized. And so you quit.
• When you move through your home or office, your mind is not on the action of walking and the things around you, but elsewhere. In fantasy.
• When you eat, you’re not paying attention to the food most of the time. Your mind is somewhere else, in fantasy.
• When you talk to someone, you aren’t focused on what they’re saying, but thinking of what you’re going to say, or thinking about something else.

Of course, some of the time we’re here in the present moment, but it’s probably less than you think.
The fantasies take up most of our time, and they are not usually helpful. They cause us to fear, to procrastinate, to become angry, disappointed, to quit.

Instead, try this: let go of the fantasy and pay attention to this actual moment. See it for what it is, not what you’d like it to be. Accept it exactly as it is, warts and all.

Move through the day practicing this seeing things as they are.

Do your work without thinking about the fear of your failure fantasy, or what might happen in the future, or how hard this work is gonna be … and just do it, in the present moment.

Do your new habit (exercise, meditation, healthy eating) in the present moment, seeing it for what it is, not how it measures up to your fantasy of what it should be. Not how it will be hard in the future. But as it is.
See other people for what they are, and accept them without judgment. Strangers included. Warts and all.
We can fantasize all we want, but the fantasy never happens. This present reality is all we got. Let’s learn to love it.

The Child That Holds Us Back

It took me a long time to figure out why I, and so many others, have difficulties changing habits and making lasting changes in our lives.
It all comes down to a little child. And that child lives within each of us.
I had a hard time quitting procrastination in 2005, because I really didn’t like the extreme discomfort of enduring the powerful urges to procrastinate. It was hard, and I kept trying to rationalize giving up. I kept wanting to give in to the urges, and make life easy again. At my weakest moments, I wanted to give up.
And I had given up, the seven previous times I tried to quit procrastinating and failed. I gave in to the urges, to the rationalizations, to the voice that said, “Go ahead and procrastinate — why are you making life so miserable for yourself? Life is too short.”
This is the voice that stops us from making lasting changes.
This is the voice that says it’s OK to have those pastries, snacks, those fatty foods, those sugary drinks, that fried chicken, etc. Life should be pleasurable!
This is the same voice that says it’s OK to skip out on exercise, because exercise is uncomfortable and not fun and you’d rather be on your bed sleeping or on Facebook or playing video games or watching TV. Life is too short for misery!
This is the same voice that causes you to give excuses when you’re facing a difficult task. It causes you to skip meditation, or skip learning a language, or skip writing your book, because you’d rather be doing something easier.
This is the voice that keeps you from starting your own business, or pursuing the job you always wanted, because you’re afraid of failure.
It’s the voice that gives up when things are hard, and convinces you to give up too. It keeps you from meeting the love of your life, because you don’t want to go through the uncomfortableness of having some positive adventures. It keeps you from keeping the love of your life, because being honest with them is scary. It keeps you from learning to be alone with yourself, because that’s scary and lonely too.
This voice isn’t you. It’s a little child inside you. It’s the younger version of you, perhaps when you were 5 or 6.
This little child, this younger you, doesn’t like things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult. What 5-year-old does?
This little child likes things that are comfortable and safe and pleasurable.
This is the child that you were when you learned all your thinking habits, when you tried things and quit because they were hard. Who could blame a 5-year-old for being like that?
But you’re not 5 years old anymore. And yet your life is run by this 5-year-old. Mine was for many years, and sometimes still is when I’m not aware of what’s going on. But now I can say i am very much able to control the 5-year old Williams that I am now a better version of me. (...hahaha when i was a child...)
The trick is to notice that this 5-year-old child is telling you what to do. But don’t listen. Don’t obey. Don’t believe its rationalizations.
You can endure difficulty. You can learn to be OK with discomfort. You can face the fear and most importantly you have to encourage yourself that you are more than capable because you have all it takes to reach the top.

"What does the Bible say about fate / destiny? Is it really true that whatever happen to us is predestined and that it is meant to be? Do we really have free will or are we meant to just fold our hands and watch as events happen in our life without putting in our efforts or atleast try something? "

This is a very complex issue, and we will start with what the Bible does not teach. Fate is usually thought of as a predetermined course of events beyond human control. A typical response to a belief in fate is resignation—if we can’t change destiny, then why even try? Whatever happens, happens, and we can’t do anything about it. This is called “fatalism,” and it is not biblical.

Fatalism is a major premise of Islam, which demands total submission to the sovereignty of Allah. It is widely held in Hinduism, too; in fact, it is a fatalistic view of life that helps keep India’s caste system in place. Greek mythology told of the Moirai, or the Fates, three goddesses pictured as weavers of men’s lives. Their decisions could not be canceled or annulled, even by other gods. Again, fatalism is not a biblical concept.

Fate and Destiny - Our Free Will

The Bible teaches that Man was created with the ability to make moral choices and that he is responsible for those choices. The Fall of Man was not a predetermined event in which Adam and Eve were hapless victims of a Puppet-Master God. On the contrary, Adam and his wife had the ability to choose obedience (with its attendant blessing) or disobedience (with its consequent curse). They knew what the result of their decision would be, and they were held accountable (Genesis 3).

This theme of being held accountable for our choices continues throughout Scripture. “He who sows wickedness reaps trouble” (Proverbs 22:8a). “All hard work brings a profit, / but mere talk leads only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23). “Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you” (Romans 13:3).

Often, when the Bible speaks of destiny, it’s in reference to a destiny people have brought upon themselves: “Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction” (Philippians 3:18-19). “This is the fate of those who trust in themselves” (Psalm 49:13). “A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; / whoever does so destroys himself” (Proverbs 6:32). “Each person was judged according to what he had done” (Revelation 20:13).

We sin because we choose to. We can’t blame “Fate,” kismet, predestination, or God. James 1:13-14 says, “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.”

Interestingly, many people who choose to sin are annoyed by the negative consequences of their sin. “A man's own folly ruins his life, / yet his heart rages against the LORD” (Proverbs 19:3). This is a very insightful verse. When a man foolishly wrecks his life, he may yet insist on blaming God, or perhaps “Fate.” In this way, he persists in his folly.

Scripture also teaches that we choose to have faith. The oft-repeated command in Scripture to believe implies that we do have a choice in the matter. “Be not faithless, but believing” (John 20:27; see also Acts 16:31; 19:4).

Fate and Destiny - God’s Sovereignty

Lest we get the wrong idea, we are not the sovereign masters of our fate. Only God is sovereign. His sovereign control is called “providence.” He has chosen to give us a free will, and He has created a moral universe in which the law of cause-and-effect is a reality. But God is God alone, and there are no “accidents” in the universe.

An all-wise, all-powerful God must have a plan, so it should be no surprise that the Bible speaks of a divine plan. God’s plan, since it belongs to God, is holy, wise, and benevolent. The providence of God is working to bring about His original plan for creation.

God speaks in Isaiah 48:3, “I foretold the former things long ago, / my mouth announced them and I made them known; / then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass.” What God announces, He does (and He may announce it centuries ahead of time!).

Fighting against the plan of God is pointless. “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan / that can succeed against the LORD” (Proverbs 21:30). This is why the Tower of Babel was never completed (Genesis 11:1-9), why Daniel’s detractors were thrown to the lions (Daniel 6:24), why Jonah spent time inside a fish (Jonah 1:17), and why I get in trouble when I sin.

Even what we would normally call “chance” or “fate” is under God’s control. “The lot is cast into the lap, / but its every decision is from the LORD” (Proverbs 16:33). In other words, God does not take a “hands-off” approach to running the world.

Everything that happens in the world is made to work out according to God’s purpose. Evil exists, but it is not allowed to thwart God’s providence. God uses even sinful men for His purposes. “The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; / he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases” (Proverbs 21:1). God worked in the hearts of the Egyptians (Exodus 12:36) and King Artaxerxes (Ezra 7:27) to bring about His purpose. Even when Man’s intent is purely evil, God can still bring about His will, as in the case of those who crucified Jesus (Acts 2:23; 4:27-28).

God’s plan includes a reward for those who trust in Him, and He promises to glorify His children. “We speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. . . . As it is written: ‘No eye has seen, / no ear has heard, / no mind has conceived / what God has prepared for those who love him’” (1 Corinthians 2:7-9). Note the use of the word destined in this passage—and that it’s a destiny based on our love for the Lord.

Fate and Destiny - An Individual Plan

God’s sovereignty reaches even to a plan for our individual lives. This is illustrated in God’s calling of Jeremiah—before the prophet was even born. “The word of the LORD came to me, saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, / before you were born I set you apart; / I appointed you as a prophet to the nations’” (Jeremiah 1:4-5).

David also recognized that the Lord had a plan for him. “Your eyes saw my unformed body. / All the days ordained for me / were written in your book / before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16). Because of this knowledge, David sought the Lord’s specific guidance in many situations, such as in 1 Samuel 23:9-12.

Fate and Destiny - Putting It All Together

In Acts 9, Jesus appears to Saul of Tarsus with an interesting statement: “It is hard for you to kick against the goads” (verse 5). Jesus obviously had a plan for Saul, and Saul had been (painfully) resisting it. Exercising our freedom against God’s plan can be painful.

Later, Jesus tells Saul that a man named Ananias would come to visit —and then Jesus tells Ananias (verses 11-12)! Obviously, Jesus had a pre-arranged plan for Ananias as well. Now, Ananias didn’t want to visit Saul (verse 13-14). He could have been like Jonah and run the other way. If that had been his choice, God would have had a “fish” prepared to bring him back. Fortunately, Ananias obeyed (verse 17). Exercising our freedom to follow God’s plan brings a blessing.

In summary, the Bible teaches that God is in charge. At the same time, He has given us the freedom to obey or disobey Him, and there are some things that God does only in answer to prayer (James 4:2).

God blesses the obedient, and He is patient with those who disobey, even to the point of seeming laxity. He has a plan for our lives, which includes our happiness and His glory both in this world and in the world to come. Those who accept Christ as Savior have accepted God’s plan (John 14:6). From then on, it’s a step-by-step following of God’s best for us, praying for His will to be done (Matthew 6:10), and avoiding the sidetrack of sin (Psalm 32:1-11; 119:59; Hebrews 12:1-2).

FINGING FOCUS

Xmas is in the air and all around us so many things happening at the same time. This is festive season friends. Do you ever have one of those days when you just can’t seem to find focus? When you fritter away your time on nothingnesses, distractions, wandering without really doing something important? Or one of those weeks? Fellow Nigerians now is one of those days..
I have those days regularly. I can find myself “working” for several hours, but at the end of those several hours have nothing to show for it. I feel like I’m floating around, with no anchor, no focal point.
So how do we find focus?
Take a step back.
 Back away from the browser and the phone, and give yourself a moment’s space to think.
What do you really want to do right now?
 What’s most important?
What kind of person do you want to be?
Maybe you have 5 things you want to do.
Pick one.
 Subtract.
Once you’re clear, you need to clear everything. Bookmark all your tabs (Cmd-Shift-D in Chrome), quit the browser if you don’t need it or close all open tabs if you do. Close all programs you don’t need. Have only the window/tab open that you absolutely need.
Now sit there with your task.
 Dive in.
Don’t allow yourself to be distracted.
You’ll have the urge to go check something.
That’s a nice urge — just watch it and smile. Don’t act on the urge. Just smile. Now go back to what you chose to do.
Do it for 10 minutes, however long you feel is pushing the boundaries of what’s comfortable for a little bit.
Then give yourself a nice reward: a short walk, some stretches, checking the thing you had the urge to check (but only for 5 minutes), meditation, read a book, or have some tea and remember to say a prayer because the spiritual controls the physical
Now go back.
Repeat. With a smile.

WHERE HAVE OUR MANNERS GONE TO?

I have been off my blog post for awhile. I apologize. I have been doing some researching and I discovered that the youths of his Great Nation Nigeria are just casual about some aspect of mannerism. We can do better, we can be better. Let Wyndy explain:

 

"It was withal a highly polished age,

And scrupulous in ceremonious rite,

When stranger stranger met upon the way,

First each to other bowed respectfully,

And large profession made of humble service."

WE have always admired the Oriental modes of salutation and leave-taking (last weekend I was privileged to observe some Agama lizards interacting and nodding heads) and wished that our language possessed more graceful forms of speech than the plain "How d'ye do?" "How are you?" or "Hope you are well!" which constitute our abrupt salutations.

We do not object to the "Good morning" and "Good evening" handed down to us from our ancestors; these expressions are not unpleasant to the ear -- but the others grate against the sensibilities. In all nations the forms of salutations differ. The Bedouin greets you with : -- "May God grant you a happy morning," or "May God grant you His favors," or "If God wills it, you are well." And placing his right hand upon his bosom, he bows low; but if he addresses a person of very high rank, he bows nearly to the ground and kisses the hem of his garment. The Egyptian, according to Herodotus, salutes you with "How do you perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low, and inquires "Have you eaten?" The German asks, "Wie gehts?" "How are you?" "How goes it with you?" and in bidding adieu, says, "Leben sie wohl." "Live well." The Spaniard, in bidding you good morning, says, "God be with you, sir," while the Neapolitan devoutly remarks "Grow in holiness." The Pole kisses the shoulder, and in farewell says, "Be ever well." In Hungary, they say, "May you remain well," or "God keep you well." A Frenchman may forgive you a pecuniary obligation, but he would hardly forgive you a nod in lieu of a bow in salutation; and for a gentleman to enter the presence of a lady without removing his hat, is sufficient cause for a duel. The French do not, however, shake hands as frequently as we do, and never upon being first introduced; and in leave-taking they say "au revoir," to meet again, or "adieu," which word has become decidedly anglicized. In Turkey, great attention is paid to salutations, and the arms are folded upon the breast, while the head is bent very low; while the Hindoos bend the head nearly to the ground.

The Moors of Morocco have a custom wholly their own; they ride at a gallop towards a stranger as though they would unhorse him, and when close at hand, draw in their fiery steed and fire a pistol over the person's head. When they would salute the Great Mogul, however, they first touch the earth with their right hand, then lay it upon their breast, then lift it to the sky; and these gestures are repeated three times in rapid succession. "How are you?" is a salutation which is not admissible in a slight acquaintance; and the reply "Very well, thank you," is only returned amongst intimate friends. But "Good morning" and "good-evening" are appropriate in any society. A bow, either on the street or in the parlor, should always accompany a salutation, and it should be both respectful and deferential, and not a mere nod of the head. A gentleman always removes his hat in the street instead of touching its brim, when bowing either to ladies or aged persons of his own sex; and he inclines the whole body, instead of simply jerking his neck. Ladies recognize their gentlemen friends with a bow of graceful inclination; and it is their place to bow first to those with whom their acquaintance is but slight, while with very intimate friends the recognition is frequently simultaneous.

A gentleman walking with a lady lifts his hat to every person, gentleman or lady, to whom the lady bows, as a mark of respect to her. A well-bred man will remove his cigar from his lips whenever he bows to a lady, or even if he passes a strange lady in a hotel or in the street.

If a gentleman should see a lady approaching a narrow crossing, or going up or down a staircase, he should lift his hat, and stand aside for her to pass.

A young lady should also show an equal degree of deference and attention to an elderly one, or to a lady in a higher position of society.

If a person of the lowest rank lifts his hat to you, always acknowledge it as courteously as if he were your equal. "A bow," says La Fontaine, "is a note drawn at sight; and if you acknowledge it, you must pay the full amount."

And it should be either respectful, cordial, familiar, civil, or affectionate, according to circumstances connected with the acquaintance. Avoid condescending bows, however, for they are always objectionable and offensive.

If you desire to converse with any one you meet, especially if a lady, do not stop them on the sidewalk, to the annoyance of others passing by, but turn round, and accompany them a few blocks or take leave at the next corner. It is never well to cut any one in the streets. A slight acquaintance should receive a passing notice; and it is absurd, because you have a trifling difference with a person, to avoid looking at them. Unless your quarrel is for life, always recognize one, even if it is done with cold civility.

Such slights are deeply felt; and men will sooner forget an injury than a cut.

A lady should always thank a gentleman for a friendly escort -- be it to a party, opera, theatre, or church.

Gratitude for services received should on all occasions be expressed in a few well-chosen words.

True etiquette requires the exercise of rational behavior at all times and in all places; and its rules are subject to all moral laws.

A church is a place to which, as a general rule, however, the etiquette of society is not applied; for though you would recognize your friends there, you would not often make introductions, nor give invitations to dinner parties, etc., nor enter into long conversations.

It is a holy place, wherein the arbitrary rules of society are not expected to enter; but politeness is always supposed to be present there.

It is strictly kind and polite to offer a stranger a seat in church, and also to proffer a prayer or hymn book; and, if the person is a lady, you should find the places for her in both.

If books are not plentiful, it is also an act of politeness for the stranger to offer you half of his book, and for you to accept the partial use of it.

Gentlemen always precede a lady in entering a church, concert-room, opera, or theatre, etc.; and by so doing they can more easily find a seat for the lady.