WHAT IS THE PROPER WAY TO PRAY

Is it best to pray standing up, sitting down, kneeling, or bowing down? Should our hands be open, closed, or lifted up to God? Do our eyes need to be closed when we pray? Is it better to pray in a church building or out in nature? Should we pray in the morning when we get up or at night before we go to bed? Are there certain words we need to say in our prayers? How do we begin our prayers? What is the proper way to close a prayer? These questions, and others, are common questions asked about prayer. What is the proper way to pray? Do any of the above things even matter?

Far too often, prayer is viewed as a "magic formula." Some believe that if we do not say exactly the right things, or pray in the right position, God will not hear and answer our prayer. This is completely unbiblical. God does not answer our prayers based on when we pray, where we are, what position our body is in, or in what order we word our prayers. We are told in 1 John 5:14-15 to have confidence when we come to God in prayer, knowing He hears us and will grant whatever we ask as long as it is in His will. Similarly, John 14:13-14 declares, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." According to these and many other Scriptures, God answers prayer requests based on whether they are asked according to His will and in the name of Jesus (to bring glory to Jesus).

So, what is the proper way to pray? Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to pray without being anxious, to pray about everything, and to pray with thankful hearts. God will answer all such prayers with the gift of His peace in our hearts. The proper way to pray is to pour out our hearts to God, being honest and open with God, as He already knows us better than we know ourselves. We are to present our requests to God, keeping in mind that God knows what is best and will not grant a request that is not His will for us. We are to express our love, gratitude, and worship to God in prayer without worrying about having just the right words to say. God is more interested in the content of our hearts than the eloquence of our words.

The closest the Bible comes to giving a "pattern" for prayer is the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Please understand that the Lord's Prayer is not a prayer we are to memorize and recite to God. It is an example of the things that should go into a prayer"worship, trust in God, requests, confession, and submission. We are to pray for the things the Lord's Prayer talks about, using our own words and "customizing" it to our own journey with God. The proper way to pray is to express our hearts to God. Sitting, standing, or kneeling; hands open or closed; eyes opened or closed; in a church, at home, or outside; in the morning or at night"these are all side issues, subject to personal preference, conviction, and appropriateness. God's desire is for prayer to be a real and personal connection between Himself and us.

Think about it.....

WYND GUIDE TO GOOD FATHERING

A friend of mine is about to become a Dad, and it makes me to reflect on what kind of father I aspire to be. I think I’m pretty decent, though I’m not where I’d like to be yet.
The good things I'll do: I'll try to inspire my kids, I'll do projects with them like fixing Lego houses and chess and painting and building stuffs, I'll read to the younger ones, I'll do outdoor things with them, I'll teach them about responsibility and compassion, I'll try to set a good example for them.
But there’s always more I should be able to do, always. Actually, it’s not that I'll do more, it’s that I'll be with them in a different way.
This is the father I aspire to be:
I want to drop my expectations of them, and be more accepting of who they already are.
I want to be less controlling, and let them be.
I want to be less strict, and just be with them.
I want my actions around them to be less driven by fears, and to let them make more mistakes and have more freedom.
I want to be less focused on their future selves, and more grateful for their present selves.
I want to be the example for them: to be happy, inspired, mindful, peaceful, loving, accepting, grateful.
In the end, I will never be the perfect parent. I'll aspire to be better, but I will never reach that ideal state. I still think the aspiration is a worthy activity, if only because it causes me to reflect on my actions and see if they’re aligned with my best values.
In the end, it won’t matter if I’m perfect as a their papa or not. It will only matter if I am there for them, and if I love them, which I do with all of the depths of my heart.

Wyndy's Guide To Letting Go

If there’s one thing we all have in common it’s that we want to feel happy; and on the other side of that coin, we want to avoid hurting. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.
We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we melt into grief when something changes—a lay off, a break up, a transfer.
We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer.
In trying to hold on to what’s familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present.  A moment can’t possibly radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear.
When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you without the power to destroy you. That’s why letting go is so important: letting go is letting happiness in.
It’s no simple undertaking to let go of attachment—not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Instead, it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment commitment that involves changing the way you experience and interact with everything you instinctively want to grasp.
The best approach is to start simple, at the beginning, and work your way to the end.

disclaimer: some of the items here are gotten from other articles online

Experiencing Without Attachment

Accept the moment for what it is. Don’t try to turn it into yesterday; that moment’s gone. Don’t plot about how you can make the moment last forever. Just seep into the moment and enjoy it because it will eventually pass. Nothing is permanent. Fighting that reality will only cause you pain.
Believe now is enough. It’s true—tomorrow may not look the same as today, no matter how much you try to control it. A relationship might end. You might have to move. You’ll deal with those moments when they come. All you need right now is to appreciate and enjoy what you have. It’s enough.
Call yourself out. Learn what it looks like to grasp at people, things, or circumstances so you can redirect your thoughts when they veer toward attachment. When you dwell on keeping, controlling, manipulating, or losing something instead of simply experiencing it.
Define yourself in fluid terms. We are all constantly evolving and growing. Define yourself in terms that can withstand change. Defining yourself by possessions, roles, and relationships breeds attachment because loss entails losing not just what you have, but also who you are.
Enjoy now fully. No matter how much time you have in an experience or with someone you love, it will never feel like enough. So don’t think about it in terms of quantity—aim for quality, instead. Attach to the idea of living well moment-to-moment. That’s an attachment that can do you no harm.

Letting Go of Attachment to People

Friend yourself. It will be harder to let people go when necessary if you depend on them for your sense of worth. Believe you’re worthy whether someone else tells you or not. This way, you relate to people—not just how they make you feel about yourself.
Go it alone sometimes. Take time to foster your own interests, ones that nothing and no one can take away. Don’t let them hinge on anyone or anything other than your values and passion.
Hold lightly. This one isn’t just about releasing attachments—it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to romantic notions, you are not someone’s other half. You’re separate and whole. You can still hold someone to close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll both be suffocated.
Interact with lots of people. If you limit yourself to one or two relationships they will seem like your lifelines. Everyone needs people, and there are billions on the planet. Stay open to new connections. Accept the possibility your future involves a lot of love whether you cling to a select few people or not.
Justify less. I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have. These thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it. The only way to let go and feel less pain is to believe you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.

Letting Go of Attachment to the Past

Know you can’t change the past. Even if you think about over and over again. Even if you punish yourself. Even if you refuse to accept it. It’s done. The only way to relieve your pain about what happened is to give yourself relief. No one and nothing else can create peace in your head for you.
Love instead of fearing. When you hold onto the past, it often has to do with fear: fear you messed up your chance at happiness, or fear you’ll never know such happiness again. Focus on what you love and you’ll create happiness instead of worrying about it.  
Make now count. Instead of thinking of what you did or didn’t do, the type of person you were or weren’t, do something worthwhile now. Be someone worthwhile now. Take a class. Join a group. Help someone who needs it. Make today so full and meaningful there’s no room to dwell on yesterday.
Narrate calmly. How we experience the world is largely a result of how we internalize it. Instead of telling yourself dramatic stories about the past—how hurt you were or how hard it was—challenge your emotions and focus on lessons learned.  That’s all you really need from yesterday.
Open your mind. We often cling to things, situations or people because we’re comfortable with them. We know how they’ll make us feel, whether it’s happy or safe. Consider that new things, situations and people may affect you the same. The only way to find out is to let go of what’s come and gone.

Letting Go of Attachment to Outcomes

Practice letting things be. That doesn’t mean you can’t actively work to create a different tomorrow. It just means you make peace with the moment as it is, without worrying that something’s wrong with you or your life, and then operate from a place of acceptance.
Question your attachment. If you’re attached to a specific outcome—a dream job, the perfect relationship—you may be indulging an illusion about some day when everything will be lined up for happiness. No moment will ever be worthier of your joy than now because that’s all there ever is.
Release the need to know. Life entails uncertainty, no matter how strong your intention. Obsessing about tomorrow wastes your life because there will always be a tomorrow on the horizon. There are no guarantees about how it will play out. Just know it hinges on how well you live today.
Serve your purpose now. You don’t need to have x-amount of money in the bank to live a meaningful life right now. Figure out what matters to you, and fill pockets of time indulging it. Audition for community theater. Volunteer with animals. Whatever you love, do it. Don’t wait—do it now.
Teach others. It’s human nature to hope for things in the future. Even the most enlightened people fall into the habit from time to time. Remind yourself to stay open to possibilities by sharing the idea with other people. Blog about it. Talk about it. Tweet about it. Opening up helps keep you open.

Letting Go of Attachment to Feelings

Understand that pain is unavoidable. No matter how well you do everything on this list, or on your own short list for peace, you will lose things that matter and feel some level of pain. But it doesn’t have to be as bad as you think. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Vocalize your feelings. Feel them, acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. Even if you want to dwell in anger, sadness or frustration—especially if you feel like dwelling—save yourself the pain and commit to working through them.
Write it down. Then toss it out. You won’t always have the opportunity to express your feelings to the people who inspired them. That doesn’t mean you need to swallow them. Write in a journal. Write a letter and burn it. Anything that helps you let go.
Xie Xie. It means thank you in Chinese. Fully embrace your happy moments—love with abandon; be so passionate it’s contagious. If a darker moment follows, remember: it will teach you something, and soon enough you’ll be in another happy moment to appreciate. Everything is cyclical.
Yield to peace. The ultimate desire is to feel happy and peaceful. Even if you think you want to stay angry, what you really want is to be at peace with what happened or will happen. It takes a conscious choice. Make it.
Zen your now. Experience, appreciate, enjoy, and let go to welcome another experience.
It won’t always be easy. Sometimes you’ll feel compelled to attach yourself physically and mentally to people and ideas—as if it gives you some sense of control or security. You may even strongly believe you’ll be happy if you struggle to hold onto what you have. That’s OK. It’s human nature.
Just know you have the power to choose from moment to moment how you experience things you enjoy: with a sense of ownership, anxiety, and fear, or with a sense of freedom, peace and love.

An Addict’s Guide to Overcoming the Distraction Habit

An Addict’s Guide to Overcoming the Distraction Habit

Yesterday wasn’t a very focused day for me — I got work done, but I also researched a bunch of newish personal interests (mostly programming and cycling), played a nice trivia game on my phone, read a bunch of online articles, and did very little of the writing I’d planned.
Digital distractions have also pulled me from reading and meditation in the last week. I think they plague all of us to varying extents.
Realizing this, today I closed all the tabs I’d been researching and reading, bookmarked a few things to read later, shut down the trivia game on my phone, closed email, and took a break.
I meditated.
I showered, and contemplated what was important to me.
Then I got up on my feet to get outside and get the blood circulating.
Then I found a place with cool serenity and I sat down to write.
This is a guide for my fellow addicts. Those of you who have as much trouble as I do fighting off the temptations and distractions, this is for you. From one addict to another.

Recognizing when it happens

One of the insidious things about the distraction habit is that we often don’t even realize it’s happening. It sneaks up on us, like old age, and before we know it we’re addicted and powerless.
But actually we’re not powerless. The power we have is our awareness, and you can develop it right now. Pay attention to what sites you visit, how often you’re looking at your phone, how long you’re spending in front of a screen all day.
What I did when I wanted to develop an awareness of my browsing urges was carry around a pencil and small scrap of paper, and put a tally mark on it each time I had the urge to browse. I could still browse, but I’d have to put a tally mark first.
This built my awareness muscle, and it allowed me to insert a small space between the urge and my subsequent action. Into that space, however small, I could eventually make a choice. That was where the power came in.

See what’s going on

Once you’re aware of the distractions and urges, you can start to examine the causes.
After hours of following temptations online (learning all about cycling and programming, for example), I stopped and asked myself, “What’s this all about?”
It was about fear — the fear that I didn’t know what I was doing and was going to screw it all up. I now know that it doesn’t matter if I screw it up. My value as a person isn’t tied to my successes or failures. So I closed all the tabs, and decided to focus on one program, and one bike ride. I’ll learn as I do.
My distractions are also often about fantasies — I really hope that I’ll be a great programmer or start doing century bike rides or cooking something nice- I love cooking. Realistically, I don’t have time to do any of that. So I have to let the fantasies go, because they almost never come true. Unless you’re willing to devote your entire life to one of them for a year or two.
Distractions, of course, are often about the fear of missing out. We can’t possibly take part in every cool thing that everyone else is doing, but we also don’t want to miss out on any of it. So we look online for what’s going on, what other people are doing and saying, what’s hot. None of that actually matters. What matters is being content, doing things that make people’s lives better, learning, being compassionate, helping. So let’s let go of what we’re missing out on, and focus on the difference we want to make in the world.

Taking action

So you’re building an awareness, and you’ve examined your causes. If you haven’t yet, take a few minutes to walk around your office or house, or better yet get outside, and contemplate these things. This article can wait.
Now there are further steps you can take. Consider taking one or more of these:

• Start closing as many browser tabs as you can. Bookmark some things, save others in your favorite “read later” service (such as Google books), and let others go.
• Block your favorite distractions for a few hours. Games, social media sites, news sites. You don’t really need to go to them that often.
• Write down the times you’re going to check email and other messages. Want to process email for 20 minutes at 10 a.m., 1 p.m., and 4p.m.? Write that down. Stick to it.
• Get away. Go outside for a walk. Mobe around. Go for a run. just do things that will make your head straight.
• Meditate. Sit still for just a couple minutes, without any distractions, and put your attention on your breath. Return to the breath when you get distracted.
• Read. A paper book. Close all screens and just give yourself some quiet reading time.
• Find a place with no wifi. Or turn off your router. Write without distractions. Close all applications besides your writing program.
• Delete distractful apps on your phone. Games, social media, whatever you tend to turn to when you want a bump of distraction.
• Eat without a device. Pay attention to your food. Notice the textures, flavors, colors, healthfulness that you’re putting into the temple of your body.

Of course, there are other things you can do. Go on a retreat. Practice mindfulness in bits throughout the day. Take a day off of screens. The possibilities are endless.

Considering what’s important

What’s truly important to you? Social media? News? What everyone else is doing all the time? Games?
I’d submit that we try to do everything, but then we’re not really focusing on anything. We’re not going to make any of our little fantasies come true if we pursue all of them.
What is the one thing you want to pursue right now? Can you focus on that for at least a month? If not, maybe it’s not that important to you.
What are the most important things in your life? Pick 3-4, or 5 at the most. How much of your time is devoted to these things? Can you cut out other things to focus on these? Can you give your 4 most important things your full attention?
In my life, my writing, my family, my health, and my learning are my four most important things. And no, I don’t always devote my full attention to them. I often need to step back and remind myself of what’s important.

Falling in love all over again

In his book, “The Art of Stillness,” Pico Ayer says that “sitting still is a way of falling in love with the world and everything in it.”
This is absolutely true. This is why distractions can be so harmful. They’re turning us away from the miracle of life all around us.
Sit still for a few minutes, and pay attention to what’s around you. Notice the quality of the light. Appreciate any people who might be nearby. Notice the quality of your thoughts, the sensations of various parts of your body, the loveliness of your breath as it comes in and out.
Fall in love with life all over again. And then devote yourself lovingly to it completely.

Changing Self-Destructive Behaviors

I have a reader who wants to make positive changes in her life, but can’t seem to stop certain behaviors.
She writes:
“I am consistently challenged with being mindful when buying food. What do you do when you are doing things that
self-destructive and are not good and continue to do them. Is there an opportunity to change this?”

This is such an excellent question, because I think we can all relate to this, can’t we? Who among us doesn’t do self-destructive behaviors from time to time, if not on a regular basis? I know that I’ve lived most of my life doing things I wish I didn’t do, and only in the last 8-9 years have I (slowly) been able to change those behaviors.
So can you change self-destructive behaviors? Can you stop yourself from doing things you can’t seem to stop?
I can unequivocally say yes, these behaviors can be changed. I’m living proof of that.
I quit smoking, changed my eating habits completely from junk food to pretty darn healthy, went from sedentary to active, got out of debt, got rid of clutter, just to name a few of the changes I made. These all went from destructive to positive behaviors.
And trust me, I’m no superman. I might seem disciplined and a model of self-mastery to an outsider, but from within I have always felt undisciplined, a procrastinator, with a distinct lack of self-control. I never thought I could make changes, but I did.
What worked? Here’s the lowdown: a quick guide to changing these behaviors when you’re having trouble.

1. Feel the pain. We don’t tend to make changes unless we are motivated to do so. Sometimes seeing other people make changes gives us inspiration. But sometimes we just need to be in a painful place that we’d rather get out of. And so, if you’re in that painful place, allow yourself to feel the pain, and ask yourself whether it’s time for a change. Eating out of control? Well, what kind of pain is this causing you? What do you want to do about it? Get out of that painful place.
2. Turn toward the problem. One of the biggest problems with making life changes is that we tend to avoid thinking about the problem. It gets worse and worse, and yet we distract ourselves, because looking at the problem can be scary and painful. But this only makes the problem worse. If you want to get out of the cycle, you have to let yourself think about it. Look at the problem. Acknowledge it. Accept that it’s the way it is, with the understanding that it can change, if you acknowledge it.
3. Pick one small, distinct change. Once you’re ready to start making changes, just pick one. If you want to change your eating, you can’t change it all at once. It’s not realistic. So pick one change, and be specific: eat one fruit at lunch each day. Drink unsweetened green tea instead of that Big Gulp of soda you have in the afternoon. Drink unsweetened coffee with a splash of creamer instead of a Starbucks grande latte with extra whipped cream. Work on not going back for seconds until you’ve had a 10-minute break after your first helping. And so on. One change at a time, slowly.
4. Commit big time. While you want your change to be small, you want your commitment to be huge. This is what keeps you going when you don’t feel like sticking to it. How can you commit big time? Announce to a hundred people, or a thousand, that you’re going to do this, and ask them to hold you accountable. Join an accountability group. Publicly commit to a big embarrassing consequence if you fail. Do it publicly for someone else, or a charity group, so you have people you don’t want to let down. Make a pledge to someone you love. Put a big sum of money on it with your friends. Be all in.
5. Learn to believe that you can. In the beginning, you will probably have doubts that you can stick to this change. That’s OK — start on it anyway. Stick to it for one small step (drink a glass of water, eat one fruit), and see that you can do it. Then stick to it for another small step. Each time you do it, use this as evidence that you are capable.
6. Use failure to learn. While doing the habit is evidence that you can do it, failure should not be evidence that you can’t. Use it as an opportunity to learn: learn about how you work best, about how habits work, about negative self-talk (see next item) and urges. Learn about obstacles, which are inevitable, and how to get around them. Each time you mess up, this is an amazing opportunity to get better, to improve your method. Failure isn’t a bad thing — it’s new information to improve your habit method.
7. Don’t believe the negative self-talk. There will be thoughts in your head about not being able to do it, or wanting to quit. Don’t listen to them. See them, acknowledge them, but don’t follow their commands or believe what they say. They just come up because your brain is trying to get out of hard work. Lazy brain, lying brain. Instead, come up with better counterarguments: “Brain: You can’t do this.” “You: Actually, I can and have. Other people have done this, and so can I. And I will only really know if I try.”
8. Find support. Ask your partner or good friend, or family or the Internet, to support you. Ask them to check on you and not let you fail. If you don’t have anyone supportive around you, find a group online.
9. Create the right positive & negative feedback. When you eat junk food, it has positive feedback (it’s yum), and there’s negative feedback for not eating the junk food (cravings and hunger and wishing you could eat it). This is the wrong feedback cycle for the change you want to make. Instead, create a new feedback cycle that supports your change. More on this below.

Creating the Right Environment

When you put all the steps above together, it’s about having the right environment. Think of it as a greased slope — right now, the slope is greased toward your self-destructive behavior, so even if you fight against it, you’re likely to keep doing the behavior.
You can consciously change the slope. Create your own greased slope, so that it’s structured toward the direction you want to go in.
For example, if you’re trying to change the way you eat, get rid of all the junk food in your house, so it’s hard to get the unhealthy stuff. Tell people in your house not to let you go to the store or fast food places to get junk. Instead, have healthy stuff around for when you’re hungry. Have accountability and consequences, so that you don’t want to embarrass yourself by messing up (negative feedback) and you want to look good by doing well (positive feedback). Don’t meet people at places with unhealthy food — that’s like going to the bar when you’re an alcoholic. Give yourself rewards, like a massage, if you stick to it for a week or two.
These are just examples, of course … you’ll want to set up your own environment for whatever works for you. This is something you can adjust over time, which is why failure is such a good learning tool: you can see where your environment needs to be changed. If you stay on your computer instead of exercising, unplug the computer and give the cord to a friend to hold until you exercise. And so on, adjusting each time you fail until your environment is set up so you will definitely succeed.
If you leave this write-up with any message, it’s that change is possible. Even if you think you can’t do it, you’re wrong. You can. You just need to take one action, start one motion, change your environment, and grease the slope.

the myths of Ebola............. let wyndy explain

It’s funny how Nigerians can complicate things. Just yesterday a friend reminded me that the fear of Ebola is the beginning of wisdom- I guess Ebola is now the Almighty in town. Hmmm wonders shall never end in this beloved country of ours. All over the world of social media u see all sorts of conversation between Ebola and AIDs. Enough to make one pee in and laugh out loud…. Lol

Just recently we now have all sorts of local preparations and remedies for this dreaded disease that has taken a tour on our beloved West Africa countries. I have to admit it all sound so "mumucious" that I came up with a remedy myself- a local concoction such of- just for the fun of it. I am not disproving any of these local remedies. We are all entitled to our own belief system.

I belief the national fear placed on Ebola is outrageous. It’s terrible that people in authority who are supposed to enlighten the populace are not helping matter. I belief information is power and as such the people should be given the power so we can all put hands together to contain this virus sweeping across our continent. Remember the Good Book tells us that “my people perish from lack of knowledge”.

We go about shouting Ebola! Ebola!! Ebola!!! displaying all sort of "mumubolaric attitudes". enough of all these tautologies and redundant words. Do we even know the source of Ebola? do we even know its origin? Do we even know why it’s called Ebola virus and not any other name? How it’s being transmitted and its fatality rate? What about its history? Because everything must have one history or the other don’t you think? Ebola is 100 percent preventable and can easily be contained.  

Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is the human disease caused by the Ebola virus. Symptoms typically start two days to three weeks after contracting the virus, with a fever, sore throat, muscle pain, and headaches. Typically nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea follow, along with decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys. At this point, some people begin to have bleeding problems

Ebola first appeared in 1976 in 2 simultaneous outbreaks, in Nzara, Sudan, and in Yambuku, Democratic Republic of Congo. The latter was in a village situated near the Ebola River, from which the disease takes its name

The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal (commonly monkeys or fruit bats).  Spread through the air has not been documented in the natural environment^. Fruit bats are believed to carry and spread the virus without being affected. Once human infection occurs, Ebola then spreads in the community through human-to-human transmission, with infection resulting from direct contact (through broken skin or mucous membranes) with the blood, secretions, organs or other bodily fluids of infected people, and indirect contact with environments contaminated with such fluids. Burial ceremonies in which mourners have direct contact with the body of the deceased person can also play a role in the transmission of Ebola. Men who have recovered from the disease can still transmit the virus through their semen for up to 7 weeks after recovery from illness. According to the WHO people have actually recovered from the disease.

It is my intention to help break the myth of Ebola virus and I believe this piece should help put your mind at rest. There is no need to panic. In my next piece I will talk about the ways Ebola can be handled and I will give facts how central Africa countries have contained it for almost 38 years.  We just have to open our eyes and see. Remember fear makes Ebola appear bigger than it is. Have a great weekend ahead.

                                                                                                                                                                wyndy

Our Delusional Fantasies

‘Most human beings spend 50 to 90 percent or more of their time in their imagination, living in fantasy.’ ~Charlotte Joko Beck

We fail at creating new habits because of fantasies.
We procrastinate because of fantasies.
We get frustrated with other people, with ourselves, because of fantasies.
We miss out on the wonder of the world because of fantasies.
We — all of us — live our lives in delusion most of the time. That might not seem true, but consider:

• When you wake up and start thinking about what you’re going to do today, your plans aren’t really happening, but are all in your head.
• When you fear the failure that might come when you tackle this big work task, and you procrastinate, it’s not failure that’s actually happening but it’s all in your head.
• When someone does something that irritates you, this is because they aren’t acting as you think they should (they should be more considerate), but this “acting how you think they should” is not reality but an ideal you have, in your head. The frustration stems not from their actions but from how their actions differ from your fantasies.
• When you start out with a new habit (let’s say exercise), you are motivated by a fantasy of what your life will be like when you create the habit … but that’s not real. When the reality of the habit happens, it never matches up with your fantasy. It’s often harder, sloppier. Less idealized. And so you quit.
• When you move through your home or office, your mind is not on the action of walking and the things around you, but elsewhere. In fantasy.
• When you eat, you’re not paying attention to the food most of the time. Your mind is somewhere else, in fantasy.
• When you talk to someone, you aren’t focused on what they’re saying, but thinking of what you’re going to say, or thinking about something else.

Of course, some of the time we’re here in the present moment, but it’s probably less than you think.
The fantasies take up most of our time, and they are not usually helpful. They cause us to fear, to procrastinate, to become angry, disappointed, to quit.

Instead, try this: let go of the fantasy and pay attention to this actual moment. See it for what it is, not what you’d like it to be. Accept it exactly as it is, warts and all.

Move through the day practicing this seeing things as they are.

Do your work without thinking about the fear of your failure fantasy, or what might happen in the future, or how hard this work is gonna be … and just do it, in the present moment.

Do your new habit (exercise, meditation, healthy eating) in the present moment, seeing it for what it is, not how it measures up to your fantasy of what it should be. Not how it will be hard in the future. But as it is.
See other people for what they are, and accept them without judgment. Strangers included. Warts and all.
We can fantasize all we want, but the fantasy never happens. This present reality is all we got. Let’s learn to love it.